How to deal with rejection?

Have you ever felt that rejection hurts more than you would expect? As if it were an invisible wound that seemed to burn?

Whether in a relationship, at work or among friends, rejection can be hard to ignore — especially for people with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (PHD).

Is there a way to deal with this without letting it affect your self-esteem?

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The Impact of Rejection

Although there is no absolute consensus on the subject, some studies link the emotional pain of social rejection to the activation of brain regions associated with physical pain.

This may explain why it is so difficult to ignore it... In addition, rejection can trigger a cycle of negative thoughts, leading to rumination and, in some cases, symptoms of anxietyor depression.

The way we interpret rejection directly influences its intensity.

Often, we tend to personalize the experience, assuming that we were rejected for not being good enough, when in reality there are countless external factors involved.

Fortunately, it is possible to respond better to these situations! 🙌⬇️

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<h2 id="ultrapassar-rejeicao">How to overcome the feeling of rejection?</h2>

Instead of running away or allowing rejection to define your self-esteem, try these strategies to deal with the experience in a healthier way:

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1. Learn to interpret the signals of emotion

Rejection arouses physical and emotional reactions that vary in intensity. To respond appropriately, the first step is to recognize where you are emotionally.

We can categorize this intensity into 3 levels:

🟢 Green Level (Low Intensity)

• Signs:Discomfort, repetitive thoughts about the situation, frustration.
• Strategies:Deep breathing, distraction with another activity, remembering past experiences where you overcame similar rejections.

🟡 Yellow Level (Medium Intensity)

• Signs:Knot in the throat, desire to isolate oneself, doubts about oneself.
• Strategies: Write in a diary, practice Mindfulness, verbalize feelings to someone you trust, perform manual activities.

🔴 Red Level (High Intensity)

• Signs:A racing heart, clenched fists, uncontrollable crying, self-depreciating thoughts.
• Strategies: Change environment, avoid responding to messages/emails at the moment, practice diaphragmatic breathing or physical exercises to release accumulated tension.

Identifying emotional intensity makes it easier to choose the best strategy to calm down before acting impulsively.

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2. Use the 4R's Technique

The specialist in Social-Emotional Learning, Caroline Maguire, developed this technique to deal with rejection and other intense emotions.

See how to apply it in practice:

1 ️ ⃣ RECOGNIZE

Identify the emotional and physical signs of rejection, categorizing them as green, yellow, or red (as explained above). The sooner you recognize them, the easier it will be to manage them.

2 ️ ⃣ REPLY

Adjust your response according to your emotional level.

• Green:Keep the routine without letting negative thoughts affect you.
• Yellow:Talk to someone and do a fun activity.
• Red:Avoid impulsive reactions and focus on self-regulation techniques, such as slow breathing to reduce activation of the nervous system.

3 ️ ⃣ REFLECT

Rejection is not always as personal as it seems, but, in the moment, it can be difficult perceivethe reality of the situation.

The next step in dealing with this sentiment is to separate objective facts from subjective interpretations.

Ask yourself:

• What really happened? (Factual)
• What am I assuming without concrete evidence? (Subjective)

Example — being rejected by those who love yourself:
Imagine that you started going out with someone and that person canceled a meeting without suggesting a new date.

• The only confirmed fact is that the meeting was canceled.
• Anything else to think about — “he doesn't like me”, “he's walking away” — are interpretations that may or may not be true.

By recognizing this difference, avoid creating automatic narratives that reinforce emotional pain.

4 ️ ⃣ REFORMULATE

After identifying the facts, the next step is to explore other possible interpretations. We often assume the worst when, in reality, there are several alternative explanations.

Returning to the example of the canceled meeting:
💡 The person may be overloaded with work.
💡 You may be going through an emotionally difficult time.
💡 You may like yourself, but have difficulty showing interest.

And most importantly, whenever possible, communicate and ask directly, rather than allowing negative and cyclical thoughts to take hold.

Many perceived rejections simply result from a lack of information or misinterpreted communication.

By rephrasing the situation, we reduce the emotional impact of rejection and avoid falling into destructive patterns of thought!

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3. Develop your emotional resilience

Rejection is part of life, but it doesn't have to define who we are.

Some strategies to increase resilience include:

✔ Create a support system— Surround yourself with people who validate your feelings, but who also help you put the situation into perspective.

✔ Avoid ruminating about rejection— Reviving the moment repeatedly reinforces the pain. Whenever you notice this, redirect your attention to another activity.

✔ Remembering past experiences— Think of moments when the rejection seemed significant and, over time, you realized that it was not as important as it seemed.

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Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (DSR) and PHDA

DSR is an emotional reactionIntense and disproportionate any situation that can be interpreted as rejection or criticism.

Although many people feel sadness or frustration when dealing with rejection, those with RSD can experience emotional outbursts that severely affect personal and professional life.

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What do we know about DSR?

• Is it a formal diagnosis?
  No. DSR is not in the DSM-5, but is recognized by experts as common in people with PHDA.
• Does it only occur in people with PHDA?
  No, although it is more common in individuals with high emotional sensitivity.
• What is the difference between RSD and common rejection sensitivity?
  DSR is characterized by much more intense and rapid reactions, often debilitating. It's as if common rejection sensitivity follows a scale of 0 to 10, while DSR works on a scale of 10 to 50!

How to deal with DSR?

✅ Information:Knowing DSR can help separate emotions from reality.
✅ Emotional regulation techniques: Mindfulness and deep breathing help reduce emotional intensity.
✅ Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy: It allows you to restructure negative thought patterns.
✅ Neurofeedback: It helps to improve emotional regulation and reduce anxiety.
✅ Medication: In certain situations, medicines used for PHDA can help manage RSD.
✅ Develop a Emotional Intelligence: Through sessions of Clinical Psychology and Neurofeedback, it can be a way to deal with this feeling.

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Final Considerations

Dealing with rejection takes practice and patience, but developing emotional resilience can turn these experiences into opportunities for growth.

• Recognize your emotional signalsand adjust the response according to the intensity of the rejection.
• Use the 4R's techniqueto reformulate the way he looks at the situation.
• Rejection does not define who you are— learn to distinguish perception of reality.

If you feel that rejection is affecting your quality of life, seek professional support.

We are availableto help you strengthen your emotional resilience and develop tools to face emotional challenges with more balance. 🧠🌟

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References

Ginapp, C. M., Greenberg, N. R., MacDonald-Gagnon, G., Angarita, G. A., Bold, K. W., & Potenza, M. N. (2023). “Dysregulated not deficit”: A qualitative study on the symptomatology of ADHD in young adults. PLoS one, 18 (10), e0292721. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0292721.

Cacioppo, S., Frum, C., Asp, E., Weiss, R., Lewis, J., & Cacioppo, J. (2013). A Quantitative Meta-Analysis of Functional Imaging Studies of Social Rejection. Rapporti scientifiche, 3. https://doi.org/10.1038/srep02027.

Sullivan, M. D., & Ballantyne, J. C. (2021). When Physical and Social Pain Coexist: Insights Into Opioid Therapy. Annals of family medicine, 19 (1), 79—82. https://doi.org/10.1370/afm.2591.

Caroline Maguire — Connection Matters. Rejection Sensitivity & ADHD. Available in: https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/rejection-sensitivity-adhd/.