How to help someone with depression: know how to support even without having all the answers
Seeing someone you like in a depressed situation is difficult, we want to help but we don't always know what to do or what to say. We want to show that we are available and support the person so that they can get out of that moment of darkness, but we do not know where to start.
📊 Cases of depression are quite numerous and, according to data from the Portuguese Society of Psychiatry and Mental Health:
- Depressive disorders are currently third biggest causeof the global burden of disease - the main one in developed countries - and it is estimated that by 2030 they will be the main cause of disease worldwide;
- Among the top 10 causes of disability and psychosocial dependence, 5 are neuropsychiatric diseases,with depression responsible for 11,8%.
These data reinforce the importance of talking more openly about the subject, without judgments and with a focus on information and support.
In this way, we seek to clarify what depression is; what are the associated symptoms; how to help someone who is depressed and what are the best forms of intervention.
What is depression?
👉 The American Psychological Association (APA) defines depression as a negative affective statewhich ranges from feelings of unhappiness and discontent to more intense feelings such as deep sadness, pessimism and hopelessness interfering in the day to day. In addition, it is often accompanied by physical, cognitive and social changes.
In this way, it is important to recognize that this is a condition that affects not only the emotional state of the person, but also their behaviors and thoughts, having repercussions on personal, social and professional life.
What are the symptoms of depression?
Depression can manifest itself in the form silentand often, your symptoms can be confused with fatigue, demotivation or passing sadnessmaking early diagnosis difficult.
Understanding how depression manifests itself is critical to recognizing when someone, including ourselves, may need help.
Here are some two symptoms:
🔹 Feeling of sadness and emptiness;
🔹Anxietyfor no apparent reason;
🔹 Unjustified feelings of guilt and shame;
🔹 Lack of interest in pleasant or enjoyable activities;
🔹 Appearance of altered eating patterns (absence or excess appetite);
🔹 Change in sleep patterns (insomniaor excessive sleep);
🔹 Lack of energy;
🔹 Irritability;
🔹 Digestive problems;
🔹 Loss of concentration and memory;
🔹 In extreme cases, suicidal thoughts or attempts.
The truth is that depression can create cycles that are difficult to break.These symptoms are fed daily by making the person feel, with the passage of time, more and more attached to a feeling of pain and a belief that it is not possible to get out of this situation - and help is needed to reverse this trend.
According to a study on help-seeking behaviors in depression, people seek help whensymptoms persist for long periods of time.
In this sense, it is important to understand that depression is not something that can be solved solely by willpower or personal effort,professional support being essential to face this condition.
In addition, recognizing how disabling depression can be is as important as understanding how we can be present to someone going through this reality.
How to help someone with depression?
When someone is going through depression, it is normal that we can feel paralyzed, not knowing how to act and with fear of making mistakes. However, know that taking the initiative to help is, in itself, a big step.
These are some strategies to guide you in this process:
- Listen actively and without judgments
One way to show support is to listen actively. A person with depression usually feels misunderstood and isolated and, therefore, it is essential to create a safe space so that they can express their feelings.
❌ Avoidphrases like: “you have to be stronger” or “this will happen quickly”. Approaches like these can make the person feel that their problem is being devalued or that it is irrelevant.
✅ Replacefor: “I'm here for you and together we're going to get through this.”
- Offer support on an ongoing basis and try to be present
Being next to the person, even in silence, is often enough, as is showing availability whether for a small conversation or a walk - this helps to avoid isolation.
❌ Does not create pressure: If the person shows a lot of discomfort to do something, respect their space. Your mere presence may be enough.
✅ When it is not possible to be present, sending a simple message such as “I am here for you” or “I saw this and remembered you”, are ways to maintain contact without creating pressure.
- Incentive the search for professional help
Professional monitoring, in these situations, should not be ignored because, the support of family or friends may not be enough. Try to start a conversation carefully without pressure or demand.
❌ Avoidsaying, “You should have gone to a psychologist by now” or “If you don't seek help, it will be worse.”
✅ Replaceby: “Sometimes a psychologist can help us find ways to manage our feelings and deal with situations similar to what you are going through. I help you look for a good professional”.
- Encourage the creation of a routine
In cases of depression, maintain a routineis extremely difficult. Encourage small activities such as a walk in the open air or visiting a friend, for example.
❌Avoidingforcing or forcing the person with depression to leave the house at all costs. It is important that you respect your space and that you do not let yourself be affected if you reject your invitation. Be understanding and you can suggest again, at another time.
✅ Start with something simple like “Let's go for a hike? Just to get out of the house a little!” - small attitudes like this can make a difference.
- Incentivize personal care
Manter basic caresuch as taking a bath or dressing to go out, can also be a challenge, however, it is important to encourage the execution of them because they help improve emotional well-being.
✅ You can also suggest activitiesthat used to bring joy to the person, even if they initially seem unmotivated - remember that you should do so alwayswith respect and delicacy, without causing any kind of pressure.
- Take care of yourself
Helping someone who is going through a fragile emotional time is challenging. If you feel the need, you should seeking support or adviceto deal with the impact this situation is having on you and your life. Taking care of yourself is essential to take care of the other with balance.
How to help someone with depression who does not want help?
It is not always easy to support someone with depression - sometimes it may seem that the person does not want to be helped or that they reject any kind of approach. However, it is important that you do not give up. This resistance is part of the diagnosis, as it affects how the person sees life, others and themselves, and many believe that they do not deserve or cannot be helped.
Thus, you must maintain patience, resilience and create space for trust to be built.
Helping someone with depression requires empathy, care, understanding and constant presence. Remember, by showing availability, you are creating a safe space for the person to talk about their problems and express exactly what they feel without fear of being judged. Validate your feelings, even if you don't fully understand them, a simple “I'm here” can have more impact than advice.
It is gestures like these that convey the support, love and concern that the person needs and that give confirmation that they are not alone.
What are the best forms of intervention?
When we talk about depression, specialized accompanimentis one of the most important steps to regain balance and well-being.
👉 According to data from North American international guidelines, the Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy(CBT) is in the first line of treatment for depression. This is an approach of Psychologyfocused on patterns of thought and behaviour as well as on the relationship between the two, and is widely recognized for its effectiveness.
👉 In more severe cases of depression, it may be necessary to resort toMedication. These drugs are recognized by clinical guidelines for their effectiveness in relieving depressive symptoms.
👉 We also know that depression is not limited to the emotional field. It is also a disturbance neuropsychological, with direct impact on brain function.
For this reason, at NeuroImprove Clinic, in addition to the Psychological intervention, we also carry out a complete evaluation through a quantitative electroencephalogram (qEEG) to assess brain functions and identify which brain regions are in imbalance. When these imbalances are detected, we resort to Neurofeedback, a brain training that acts in its regulation, promoting a greater balance.
👉 In addition, for depression, thechange in lifestylecan help in recovery, namelyphysical exercise practice- which promotes mental well-being and general well-being.
Every person is unique, and so is every brain, Therefore, all of our interventions are personalized and adapted to the needs of each case. 💡
References
APA Dictionary of Psychosology. “Depression” (2018). https://dictionary.apa.org/depression
APA Clinical Practice Guideline for the Treatment of Depression Across Three Age Cohorts (2019). https://www.apa.org/depression-guideline
Boerema, A.M., Kleiboer, A., Beekman, A.T.F. et al. Determinants of help-seeking behavior in depression: a cross-sectional study. BMC Psychiatry 16, 78 (2016). doi: https://doi.org/10.1186/s12888-016-0790-0
Lam RW, Kennedy SH, Adams C, et al. Canadian Network for Mood and Anxiety Treatments (CANMAT) 2023 Update on Clinical Guidelines for the Management of Major Depressive Disorder in Adults: Canadian Network for Mood and Anxiety Treatments (CANMAT) 2023: Update of clinical guidelines for the management of major depressive disorder in adults. The Canadian Journal of Psychiatry. 2024; 69 (9) :641-687. doi:10.1177/07067437241245384
Villarroel, M. A., Terlizzi, E. P. (2020). Symptoms of Depression Among Adults: United States, 2019. NCHS data letter, 379, 1-8. PMID: 33054920.
National Health System. (2025) Depression. https://www.sns24.gov.pt/pt/tema/saude-mental/depressao/
Portuguese Society of Psychiatry and Mental Health. Mental Disorder in Numbers. https://www.sppsm.org/informemente/perturbacao-mental-em-numeros/
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